New Year's Resolutions - Make or Break?

At 12:01 AM on New Year's Day did you sit around with your loved ones and declare a resolution for the New Year?
I did.
I had to be coerced into it, but I set one. It is 'to be the best person I can be each and every day.'
You see, my friends daughter is 9 years old. My friend is trying to teach her integrity. Do what you say you're going to do. So, my friend asked each of us in the room to set a New Year's Resolution.
A New Year's Resolution, simply put, is setting a goal for the year. Whether it be losing weight, going to the gym three times a week, buying a new vehicle, never eating sugar again, cutting the soda pop from your life, quitting smoking or finding a new job. They are all just goals to strive for.

My question to you. Did you set a New Year's Resolution? And ...

Has it already been broken?

If you set a New Year's Resolution, woke up New Year's day assured that "This year I will make it!" only to find four days later you were struggling, and by day 10 you've completely failed at it, you are not alone.
Many of us state what we want to change in our life ... try... get frustrated ... and just give up.
Why is that?
If you do things the way you've always done them you will receive the same results you've always received.
Albert Einstein said it best: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".
In order to create a life-altering change you need to have a life-altering change in the way you do things.

Do your relationships serve you?

Sometimes it is difficult to recognize that a relationship is serving the other person and not serving you. When that awareness is brought to the fore front you are left with a choice. Do you maintain that relationship or do you not? Over the course of the last number of years I have eliminated many relationships from my life. They were difficult decisions to make, but I knew it was what I needed, what was best for me.

I realized that I had people in my life that considered me a very good friend, but it was on their terms. They would call when they needed advice, or call if they needed a favour. Friendship to me is a choice. You choose to make a commitment to one another that you will be there for each other. So, when these friends called and asked for assistance, I was there – that is what friends do after all! But, what about when I called and asked for a hand and they were too busy. Or I called and asked for advice and they told me they didn’t have time to talk but would call back … and never did.

I have spent a lot of years working at being a better person. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had a kind heart and thought of the feelings and needs of others … actually … I thought of them more than I thought of myself. I spent many years of my life worried about hurting others, other people’s feelings, other peoples concerns. I worried so much about hurting others that I didn’t realize I was hurting myself.

As I gained this new knowledge and integrated the new teachings into my life I realized that I was no longer happy with some of the relationships I had in my life. I realized that I was giving a lot more than I was receiving. Now, don’t get me wrong … it’s good to give. But, is it good to give to the point that you are exhausted at the end of the day? Is it good to give to someone and then feel drained by the energy it took?

I say no. My realization was that I no longer desired to have people in my life whom I felt drained by. I realized that some people are so self-absorbed that you could be drowning two feet away from them and they wouldn’t notice, they’d still be talking about whatever catastrophe they were facing that day.

Then, there are the Woe is Me’s. That’s my pet term for people that are so completely negative even opening a dialogue with them is exhausting. You know who I mean, you call them to chat and ask “So, how are you doing today?” and the minute you do you think “Oh no! I didn’t just ask that!” as they begin to tell you how bad their life is. How ill they are … how nobody understands them … how everyone in the world is to blame for their life! You know the ones.

At one point in my life I regularly conversed with a couple Woe is Me’s … they were part of my extended family and I thought we were friends as well as family. But, as time went on and I got to know them quite well I realized that family or not, continuing to have a relationship with them was not good for me. They were energy suckers that I personally found to be very exhausting.

The time came where I made the decision to cut the ties. I feared it would be more difficult than it actually turned out to be. I thought that if I didn’t call them or email them for a few weeks they would call and ask how I was, or why I hadn’t been in touch with them. But … that never happened. They didn’t call, they didn’t email, and they didn’t ask my family or mutual friends how I was. They just continued on in their self-absorbed negativity like nothing had changed.

I bumped into the one person about a year and a half after I cut the ties and her comment to me was “Wow, it’s been a long time since we’ve talked. It has to have been at least a couple of months”! I turned my face to the sky and breathed a quiet “Thank you” to the heavens. Thank you for showing me how draining this person was to my energy and how inconsequential I was to this person. Thank you.

When in your life do you recall having this type of a relationship? Do you remember how things ended? Do you know why things ended? Was it a conscious decision on your part, or did you drift apart?

Do you still have a relationship like this in your life? Do you see it for what it is? Are you willing to continue to allow this? Do you feel you have no choice? What is it that you can do to make the change?

Thought for the Day

Question: Why are we Masters of our Fate, the captains of our souls? Because we have the power to control our thoughts, our attitudes. That is why many people live in the withering negative world. That is why many people live in the Positive Faith world. And you don't have to be a poet or a philosopher to know which is best.

~Alfred A. Montapert

I Choose My Life ... Do You?

As I have been working on ‘self’ I have noticed that each and every day I am faced with a plethora (literally) of choices. What time do I set the alarm for? What do I have for breakfast? Do I eat breakfast or make a protein shake? How will I style my hair? What will I wear? What time do I have to leave to get to my first appointment? What route shall I take? (I haven’t even left the house yet). Do I set my cruise at 100 km/h or do I set it a little higher?

These may seem like inconsequential decisions to some, but to me they are all important choices I have to make. If I have a shake will I be hungry at 10am? If I have a full breakfast will I fell lethargic for the first part of the day? If I straighten my hair and it rains, what will I look like by noon?

I discovered that in all these tiny little choices I was making there were pro’s and con’s to each and every decision. So, which way is the best?

As I became more aware of self, more aware of the impact of every single choice I made, I found I made more conscious choices than I had in the past. From what food to put into my body, what exercise program I preferred to what people I associated with and which friends I kept (more on that in a different blog).

Spirituality – isn’t this just one of those subjects that people avoid? I find it is. People don’t want to offend each other, so they avoid subjects that could possibly, maybe, perhaps, be offensive to another.

I’m not here to spew my beliefs … they’re mine! I’m not here to tell you that you need to have a spiritual belief. You don’t … you are a human being and because you are you have free will. Free will gives you the ability to do and be whatever you choose.

The key there … choose. You choose who you are, what you believe and how you will act or react to any situation. Here’s the thing with this. A lot of people believe that they have no choice in their ‘lot in life’. They were born into poverty, they were born into wealth, they are not as smart as some others, or they are smarter than others. That’s all true.

You did not choose to be born into poverty; you may have chosen to stay there though. You did not choose to be born into wealth; you may choose to stay there. You did not choose to be born with a learning disability, you choose to buy into the label that you were given. You did not choose to be above average intelligence, you have the choice to live with that label too.

Take a close look at what is happening in your life now. What choice did you make to get to where you are?

Thought for the Day.

That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character.
~ Ayn Rand

My Old Sweater

My old sweater. When I finished my day I went home and changed into my sweats & my sweater. This sweater was 16 years old. It was ratty and worn; it had lost all it's shape. It was a hand-me-down from an aunt. To be frank, it was ugly! But ... it was the most comfortable piece of clothing I owned.

Each and every day, when I'd leave my house, I'd leave that sweater at home. I'd leave it at home and know that when I got home that night, I was going back to comfort.

We each have a part of our life that is comfortable to us, our comfort zone. But what happens when the 'comfort zone' no longer serves a purpose or changes? What do you do then?

One day I came home to find that my cat decided to use my sweater as a scratching post. He had desimated my favorite piece of clothing. I no longer had my sweater to comfort me when I was down in the dumps; it wasn't there for me to curl up into when I had a fever. It was gone! "What will I wear now?" was the thought that ran through my head.

Like anything in life I adapted. Although I was forced into this change it was still there. I had to do something. I could see two options for my sweater. I could accept that it was gone or I could reject that it was gone. If I accepted that it was gone I would say goodbye to an old friend (in my mind that is what it was) and try to find another article of clothing that brought me comfort. If I rejected that it was gone I could attempt to sew it back together and try to make it what it had once been.

With a heavy heart I decided that I would accept things the way they were and put that old, ratty, tattered, UGLY sweater into the garbage. Then I went on a hunt for another sweater that would comfort me.

When in your life have you had a comfort zone that was no longer there, had changed or no longer served a purpose? Have you recently divorced? Have you been down-sized and had to find a new job? Has technology forced you to make changes that you're not ready for?

Whatever your comfort zone is; they change. When this change comes you have two options, understand that it is what it is and adapt, or fight the change with all you have.

Taking life as it comes can sometimes be very difficult. For me, having to find a new sweater was very difficult. Each sweater that I tried on had a flaw; it was too long, it was to short; it wasn't soft enough; it was too soft; the colour wasn't right ... you understand. Each sweater I tried on I compared to my old sweater. Nothing was good enough, it wasn't the same. I really hadn't accepted the fact that my sweater was gone.

Eventually I found another sweater. It took time and I had to 'give in'. I had to quit comparing each sweater with my old one. I had to accept this new sweater for it's unique merits. Nothing could compare to my old sweater, so why was I trying?

When in your life have you gone through this? How have you fought against something that was inevitable? How did it make you feel? Did you put so much energy into fighting against it that you were drained at the end of the day? Did you try to change it back and realize it wasn't the same? What was the final outcome?

Through life we find that everything changes. If we fight these changes we drain ourselves of our energy. If we simply accept these changes we have more energy to focus on making the necessary changes within.

Take a look back and see when in your life you have gone through something similar. What actions did you take? How did it make you feel? Did your actions empower you or drain you of your energy? Did you like how you felt?

Reflecting on your past can help you learn and improve your future.

Thought for the day.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

~ Alan Cohen